Here is something to contemplate. Most of us have used one or more of these excuses at one time or another. But, the marriage gets into trouble when one or more of these excuses become a pattern in the relationship. I would challenge you to rate yourself on these excuses on a scale of 1 to 5. One = definite pattern and 5 = never a true of me. If even one of these is a pattern in your relationship seek out your Pastor, share this with him and seek assistance to right the relationship with your spouse.
- I can’t be a spiritual leader because my wife will not submit to me.
- I can’t submit to my husband because he does not lead.
- My wife provoked me that so I hit her.
- No, I don’t listen to my wife because all she does is nag.
- I lie to him because I am afraid of his reaction.
- I don’t respond to his sexual advance because he does not cultivate me with affection.
- She complains because I work too much, but I have to work overtime to cover all her credit cards.
- I eat to compensate for his being insensitive or verbally abusive.
- I shop and spend money to get his attention.
- I have to defend the children because he is so harsh with them.
- I have talked with my children about our marital problems because she will not talk to me.
- If she did not spend so much time with her mother, I would not hang out with my buddies.
- If she took care of herself (kept her weight down, put on make up and took care of her hair), I’d be motivated to hold a job.
- I nag him because he does not do anything unless I tell him a 100 times.
- If he would read his Bible, he would know how to make me happy and then it would be worth it to respond to his pathetic attempts at being a leader.
- If she did not like to fight and would listen to me, we would not have so many conflicts.
- I talk to my family about him, because he does not talk to me.
- I don’t ask her out on dates because till she is finishing spending my pay there is no money for dates.
- I tell her what to do because her hard-headedness makes it impossible to discuss things with her.
- I focus on the kids because they show me love and he does not.
- How can I support his decisions when he makes dumb decisions?
- My husband/wife is unavailable so I watch a lot of television.
- Why should I change when he/she will never change anyway?
- I have stopped initiating sex because he/she always has an excuse and make me feel rejected.
- I don’t want to live with him/her because he/she can never stay focused on anything and as a result our lives our always in a state of flux.
*You are welcome to copy this piece and use it in your personal life or for a class you are teaching.