Sexuality: Good or Bad

The response to this question will vary according to the experience of the responder. In the abstract most people would answer good. But the young woman who was molested by a family member is not so sure. The woman who has been married to a man she would describe as having a caveman mentality is most likely to have distaste for sexuality.

The reality is that sex is an extremely intense drive. When this intensity is wrapped in the clothing of a selfish, demanding, desire it becomes ugly, demeaning and destructive. Women and children often become victims. Men become obsessed with self-gratifying pornography. Individuals, families, communities and even nations spiral into degradation (Romans 1:18ff).

In my work as a Pastor who is a biblical marriage counselor it is not infrequent that I find myself in the midst of a sexual mess. One of the mates sitting in my office has had an affair. Or, one or the other is bored with their intimacy and wants to introduce oral sex (to the great distaste of the other). Or, one desires sexual relations daily and the other is resentful of this expectation. Or, one or the other has developed a secret life of pornography (yes, today it might be the wife).

In recent years another dimension has been added to this array of problems. It is the Internet. No, not as source of pornography though surely that is often the case, but as a source of answers to questions that have arisen. For example, is it acceptable to have oral sex? If you go to the Internet for the answer you can find whatever answer you desire. If you are asking if a marriage can be restored after an affair, you can find yes or no depending upon whom you read. If you want to know if a husband can recover from pornography the answer may be yes or no—often dependent upon the personal experience of the writer.

Last night I watched a TV program with my wife who is recovering from Shingles. We commented to one another on the commercials. Two were enticing us to go out and partake of the Olive Garden goodies or the great new Domino’s pizza. Two others were offering us refreshing drinks in the hands of a very beautiful woman. Then there was the advertisement for a Hallmark movie. While over all Hallmark movies are family friendly, this add focused the camera on the cleavage of three different well endowed women. Sexuality, sex and temptation are ever present. Even the women dispersing into the congregation after choir can become a distraction for many men.

In the midst of all these strands of thought, I must say with a resounding shout, “Sex is good!” Why? Because God said so! If you have not read the Song of Solomon, you need to do so. All the problems we touch are the result of biblical ignorance and our sinful hearts. God prescribed sex in marriage for three purposes; companionship, sexual enjoyment and procreation. Through the Apostle Paul God instructs us to  grant free access to our bodies by our mates for sexual satisfaction. The only reason to not do so is for a short season for the purpose of prayer (I Corinthians 7:1-5).

Is sexuality often misused and abused. Absolutely! But don’t through the proverbial baby out with the bath water. Do well-meaning, loving couples sometimes struggle over frequency, timing and functionality? Yes. However, in a relationship in which we practice respectful, honest and patient communication these issues are solvable.

Can couples recover from pornography, adultery, emotional affairs, jealousy and complicating physical issues? Yes, absolutely! Here again, we turn to God’s instructions for answers. Confession, forgiveness, repentance along with learning the biblical meaning of love empowered by the indwelling Holy Spirit makes recovery, rebuilding and renewal possible (Ephesians 4:31-32; 5:18).

Few things bring me greater joy than when a couple who were in a marriage broken by sexual sin walk up to me in church (or another church when I am visiting) and say, “Thank you for helping us rebuild our marriage. It is better than ever has been.”

Yes, absolutely, sex and sexuality is good!

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