Introduction
As often happens, I woke from the night’s sleep with my mind already working on a project. This time, in that wonderful semi-conscious state, the project was developing a seminar, perhaps a workshop—on Refreshing Your Marriage. Since it was Labor Day and I had no pressing demands, it seemed wise to focus on what my mind had been turning over.
My Process
So, I rolled out of bed as quickly as possible, found a pen and paper, and began jotting down thoughts. I have learned to capture as much as I can, as quickly as I can; otherwise, the details from those unconscious working sessions quickly fade into the day’s activity. Howard Hendricks taught me that trick back in ’67. I still find it fascinating how professors leave their mark through comments that, at the time, seemed merely passing. Yet those comments stuck, adding lasting value to the tuition paid for the course.
My Research
I decided to use AI and asked, “Give me a list of the most common marriage problems.” What appeared was no surprise. What did surprise me was the diversity of the many lists AI found and the variation in how many “common problems” each list included. Still, that variety was helpful because it reflected the range of perspectives among the therapy sites AI drew from.
My Disappointment
My disappointment with this exercise was twofold. First, I could not offer the top five common problems in marriage because the lists differed so widely. Second, it did not help me simplify my self-assigned task of creating a short list for the seminar or workshop.
My Most Beneficial Discovery
Along with these lists came various proposed solutions, and what became evident was not surprising. Regardless of the theoretical framework of the well-intentioned marriage counselors who provided them, there was no common foundation for diagnosing or prescribing solutions to these problems. I would have expected this, having interacted with a variety of marriage counseling literature over the years. Even so, it gave me a new way to help my students appreciate both the diagnostic categories in Scripture and the extraordinary empowerment that biblical counselors have in addressing common marriage problems.
Whether the issue is communication, finances, sexual relations, discipline, infertility, childhood victimization, abortion, or any other situation that may arise, we have a common foundation. Scripture either directly instructs us and our counselees or provides the tools to frame and activate solutions to common marriage problems—and to offer a pathway forward when a spouse refuses to agree with God’s common foundation.
So, What About the Seminary/Workshop
Stay tuned! You will see this title listed as a seminar or workshop at some conference where I’m asking to speak over the next year or two. Already, the morning laid out the framework with working titles for a weekend seminar: a Friday/Saturday event that will, appropriately, include a romantic dinner.
All I need is the Lord to prompt someone/church/or counseling organization to issue the invitation. And, honestly, I’m excited at the prospect. Thank you, Lord, for the semi-conscious work of this early morning on Labor Day. Seems rather appropriate.
Conclusion
If you have a problem that surfaces from time to time in your marriage, here is hope. You are obviously not alone; secondly, God’s Word has your pathway forward; so thirdly, don’t languish and let it fester. Seek out a Biblical Counselor and learn God’s solution.
Implementation
- Consider doing an AI search, and when you do, follow these steps.
- Pray honestly, asking the Lord to show you what you need to do.
- Ask yourself honestly, “How am I contributing to the problem?”
- Repent honestly before the Lord and then before your spouse. Say, “I have sinned against you,” not, “You need to….”
