Text: Jeremiah 51:17-19
Introduction:
Email from Supervisee several years ago:
I met with a new counselee, Cynthia (pseudonym), this morning for the first time. She had noted in her PDI (which I received yesterday) that she needed encouragement/hope since she struggled with fear and anxiety. But when I was gathering additional data, she admitted to adultery with a married man that recently died. Her husband does not know! In fact, she has kept this secret until now. Although this man ended all communication with Cynthia 8 years ago, she is grieving this loss more than the loss of her sister who died 2 months ago and she feels ashamed. Cynthia professes to be a believer but does not understand true repentance or godly sorrow. She is more concerned about her pain than hurting God, hurting her husband, hurting her ex-lover’s wife.
Diagnosis:
Earlier that same day, I was reading Jeremiah 51 as part of a quiet time:
“All mankind is stupid, devoid of knowledge; every goldsmith is put to shame by his idols, for his molten images are deceitful, and there is no breath in them. They are worthless, a work of mockery; in the time of their punishment they will perish. The portion of Jacob is not like these; for the Maker of all is He…”
Reading this and reflecting on Cynthia led to the following paraphrase/application to her life situation.
All mankind is stupid. They lack objective understanding of the real reality, the spiritual world. Every person displays this foolishness by the idols he chooses to bring meaning to his life. The existential experiences he imagines are deceitful for they do not deliver his expectations. They are empty. They defraud him leaving him empty only to return seeking more till he perishes. The real God is not so, for he is the Maker of all—the only source of meaning and satisfaction.
Common Marriage Problem:
Three different couples presented with marital issues recently could be described by this paraphrase of Scripture. None of them were guilty of adultery, but all three were practicing forms of idolatry in the search of personal meaning. In the process, they were practicing a narcissism that was rapidly detonating their marital relationship. Not infrequently couples like this present as having communication problems. I said to one husband (a mate in one of the three couples), “Help me understand your diagnosis, ‘We have a communication problem.’ We have been talking for the past thirty minutes. I think you would agree that we have been communicating rather well as have you and your wife. How is it different at home?”
He stopped short! “Ah, well it is different at home,” he replied.
“So, please, again, help me understand what is different at home?”
There followed several interchanges which I finally summed up by saying, “Tell me if I am way off here. What I hear you telling me is that for both of your communication is often tainted with sarcasm growing out of your mate’s failure to meet your expectations.” I went on to explain how the unmet personalexpectations, idols, had become demands for the fulfillment of these desires [some sinful and some not sinful]. When they had gone unfulfilled, they became the source of bitterness, resentment, fear and anger. These attitudes, emotions and judgments were the source of sarcasm, cutting remarks, coolness and lack of desire for intimacy. Hence, the diagnosis as a communication problem! The observation of Jeremiah regarding mankind in the diagnosis of Babylon, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, is applicable in such marital struggles.
By the end of the second session with the couple referenced earlier, the husband was shaking his head in agreement. At the end of the first session with another of these couples, the husband sat back and said, “Thank you, you have helped me see something pretty important.” That comment came with a complete set of body language expressions that confirmed his words. Up until this point he had been rather cocky and resistant.
Conclusion:
So, if you are a counselor reading this or, you are a mate who is part of martial relationship plagued by a communication problem you should consider Jeremiah’s observation. It is very likely that your counselees (or you) are being stupid in the sacrificing of your relationship on the altar of some selfish desire(s).
Implementation:
First, review James 4:1-5. The word lust here is focused on its root meaning of intense desire. It could be sex, but it could be any other desire that within yourself you are demanding your mate fulfilled. At that point you have turned it into an idol. This is the practice of the world, and it is “hostility toward God.”
Second, confess your sin at the Throne of Grace and seek God’s forgiveness.
Third, confess your sin to your spouse (make no excuse and place no blame) and seek forgiveness.
Fourth, remember going forward, your spouse is not a mind reader. It is stupid, to use Jeremiah’s term, to expect your spouse to do so, and I might add, it is even more stupid to treat your spouse with disrespect (sarcasm, bitterness, or silence) because they cannot intuit your desires.
