Introduction**
Charles and Charlene submitted their paperwork to seek formal biblical counseling to revitalize their broken marriage. Charles, like many men of his age range 30-45 had struggled with drug abuse. Charlene had come out of her stage of drug use sooner than he and being a gifted individual had emerged the leader. As usual, his response was to recede and let her lead but resent her for doing so.
She had grown up in a very less than ideal family. She experienced sexual molestation as during puberty years, followed by a burst of spiritual interest thanks to a friend’s influence, but then became involved with Charles and his lifestyle which led to pregnancy and a marriage at sixteen.
Now, several children later in their early 30’s they separated and move to different states. As Charles completed drug rehab, he wanted to get his family back together. Hence, the application for counseling.
[**This is not an actual couple, but it represents a scenario that I’ve experienced with couples periodically through the ministry of counseling. Some of the nuances (details) will differ, but the overall scenarios are consistent in the impact. Likewise, the fundaments of recovery are consistently necessary for retooling lives.]
Living with the Past in the Present Is Lethal
This dear couple was living with the past in the present. That is, they were allowing their past to determine their present living and, in the process, setting up the future to be a continuation of the past. Whether biblical history, secular psychology, or everyday observation, this phenomenon is ever present.
Different folks live in the past in several different ways. Consider these:
1) Some by longing for “the good ol’ days”
2) Some are trapped by something bad that happened (either done to them or by them)
3) Some people live in the future—either
a) Worrying about and fearing the pas will repeat
b) Thinking that things will get better (when they get their dream job, find the right person, etc.).
The result is that they lose the present in the past instead of leaving the past in the past (Or as I heard someone say, “Put the past in the past and leave it in the past.” Learn from it yes, but do not let it control the present. We need to help these folks understand that the Lord gives each of us a fresh 24 hours daily and He provides the guidance (2 Peter 1:3-4) for living it in a godly manner.
Charles and Charlene are prime examples that “living with the past in the present is lethal.
Putting the Past in the Past
So, what does the biblical counselor do with these living trainwrecks. How does he get the cars on the track? How does he help them straighten the track so that every time the train of life runs this route they don’t have another wreck and so their children not only begin living in a more wholesome godly environment and see modeled before their eyes how to put the past in the past and to avoid creating a pas the will need to put in the past?
Five Steps That Are Essential to Put the Past in the Past
• Experience the reality and adopt the model of God.
Real change begins with real change of the heart. Begin with 2 Cor 5:17. If folks are not believers, they need evangelism. Charles and Charlene (as I have observer all to often) made credible professions of faith, but like Israel were not living their heritage. Hence, such professors will need to revisit this new reality and coach through a fresh (maybe a first time) understanding of what God has done.
• Exercise the instruction of God
This instruction will be found in both the Old and the New Testaments. The prophet Isaiah instructs his hearers to not focus on the past mistakes or the past experiences (43:18). The Apostle Paul puts it this way, “forgetting what is behind (past)” (Phil 4:13).
• Eye the future
In the same breath Paul writes, provides this example, “I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus” (Phil 4:14). Jesus, himself, challenges His followers, “after putting his hand to the plow” if you look back you are not, “fit for the Kingdom of God.”
• Empty the bitterness vat
Putting the past in the past (exercising the instruction of God) and focusing the eye on the future (as we just noted above), adds additional motivation to empty the bitterness vat that will keep one stuck in the past. Paul makes it clear that this must be done and that we must choose to do so. Consider the command of Eph 4:31, “You (implied subject) put away all bitterness (settled anger/resentment). If you don’t start with putting the bitterness aside (which is focusing you on the past), you will progress up the latter as Paul pictures it to the point of malice (intended to hurt or get vengeance). Hence, everything about your relationships will be rooted in the past.
• Engage in God’s new work
As Isaiah points out in 43:19, engage with God as he makes a new way through the wilderness. The Lord has made you a new creation (2 Cor 5:17) and set you in a new race. Paul draws upon the commonly observed athletics of his day, running races, from which we may draw this lesson. The runner who looks back will lose momentum and not win the race (see 1 Cor 9:24-27, 2 Tim 4:7-8, Phil 3:12-13, Gal 5:7, Acts 20:24 and Phil 2:16.)
Conclusion and Implementation
In this blog, the conclusion is obvious. Stop, repent, and employ the five steps above. The implementation is also obvious. Now! This minute, confess your sin of living your present life based upon the past (whatever your mistreatment—sexual molestation, divorce parents, mother who had revolving doors on her bedroom, etc.; whatever your sinful choices–drugs, promiscuousness, robbery, etc.; whatever mess you made the must be clean up). Now, seek out a biblical counselor who can help you employ the five steps by leading you through the practical maze of doing so.