The Nature of the Man and Marriage
If you have read Genesis 1 and 2, you know that the creation account has two aspects. In simple terms, chapter 1 presents God’s intention to create humanity as male and female, as shown by His command for them to be fruitful and multiply. Chapter 2 then provides a more detailed account of how this took place. And by the configuration of the relationship, holds the male to be responsible to lead, but at the same time indicates that it requires that they function as a unitary team.
While in chapter three the woman is first enticed by the serpent, it becomes evident that the male is held responsible and this is confirmed by Pual in Romans 5:12, 19, and 1 Corinthians 15:22.
In addition, in the New Testament undeniably indicates that men are responsible to lead. For example, “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God” (1 Corinthians 11:3) and “For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior”(Ephesians 5:23), and yet again, men are challenged to “live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (1 Peter 3:7).
In the same manner, men are assigned the responsibility of leadership in the church (1 Timothy 2:11-14; 3:1-2) and society (Exodus 18:21; Deuteronomy 17:14-17; Isaish 3:12),
This in no way means women are less than. It is a matter of God ordained administrative structure and assignment of responsibilities.
God expects men to step up and be men; love sacrificially, provide, and protect women.
II. The Nature of the Woman and Marriage
Helpmate, helper, suitable, help fit for. All those words can flow out of the Hebrew word used here for woman.
Hebrew has two words that describe the woman: helpmate (helper) and suitable.
Helper–to come beside to get the job done
Suitable–a compliment, harmonize with, match, go together, like unto. The English words will help enhance and fill out the intent of the Hebrew word.
Over the years, I’ve had women from time to time say to me (and I’ve seen it in print). “The word helper is not a good word because it’s diminutive. That means she’s less than.” No, that’s not the case because that same word is used to describe God on several occasions, such as in “God is my helper” Ps 46:1) It’s not a diminutive word. It’s simply an adjective describing a role. Adam cannot do life alone. He needs Eve to make the doing of life possible. The word tends to focus on tasks—getting the job done together.
My wife has not taken up a profession over the years. She was a speech minor and an office administration major. She has worked in both fields a little and worked for me three times in our lifetime, once for four years and once for three years, when she ran the counseling offices we operated. The third time is post-retirement as she now is our CFO and my COO as I am self-employed in ministry. She’s very efficient and effective thereby facilitating my ministry life. When I introduce her, somebody always turns and asks her, “What do you do?” My wife will say two possible things. Sometimes, she says, “I’m the vice president of minutiae.” Other times, she’ll say, “I’m the CFO and COO” They both describe what she does. She takes care of the details in our lives and allows me to have the time to write, teach, and do other ministries that I do. I would not get much of it done if I had to do all she does. I told her, “Before long, you’re going to have to sit down and walk me through where everything is filed because if you go before me, I’m going to have a mess.” She makes it possible for me to do what I do.
The idea with the word compliment is “like unto, the same as, yet different than I.” This word seems to focus on relationships or companionship. One who can speak like me, understand how I feel, commiserate with me, bring encouragement and joy, and can help me raise children and give them the feminine balance to my masculine side.
The literal rib represents both the body and the animation of the body. Now, this is my supposition here; I know that. I tend to think that when God took that rib out of Adam to make Eve, He took the literal rib and created the body, but I believe He took half of what he used to make Adam and wove into the fabric of Eve. That’s why you have feminine and masculine, which you can recognize wherever you go. There will always be those differences because they’re created differences. I think they are just part of the whole. When you get married, what do you do? What does the preacher pronounce you when you get married? You become one. You brought those two halves back together.
B. The Wedding and the Structure of Marriage
When God brings Eve to Adam, the Hebrew suggests that Adam’s response to the bride is awestruck. She was probably the prettiest woman ever made, but it wasn’t just physical beauty. Adam might well have said, “It was the wonder of someone like me to share life.”
Then God officiates, if you please, the first wedding and sets the parameters of marriage. He sets the parameters pre-fall, and He never changes them:
Leave father and mother geographically (out of the house), and become emotionally, and economically interdependent with your spouse.
Cleave unto (think of two magnets coming together)
Weave must be an intentional becoming one. God initiates this with the wedding ceremony and the sanctioning of sexual consummation. What couples often struggle with in the first two years of marriage, especially when they married post-mid-twenties, is the how of becoming us and not feeling like I am giving up me.
With regularity, I have counselees who have been married for 10 or 15 years, and one or the other—and sometimes both—have not left and have not learned how to cleave to one another because they haven’t begun to leave parents and to weave the new relationship. There is stuff that one needs to get rid of. It is necessary to cease dependency on parents. You must turn choose to cleave, and weave that new interdependency relationship with one’s mate.
My wife and I were married on September 1st, 1962. We got in the car the next day and drove to Johnson City, Tennessee, where I had been accepted into a master’s program in guidance and counseling. We began looking for a place to live. She started looking for a job to support her new husband while in school. We could not find an apartment. We stayed in a hotel for the first week, and then the owner graciously connected us with his mother, who took us into her home. We lived with her for two weeks.
The second Sunday we were in that gracious lady’s home, she said, “My grandson is going to be christened today. Would you please come to Church with me?” She knew that we were believers. We agreed and went to the Methodist church downtown, the big, ritzy church. The Man got up and preached for 16 minutes—I timed him. At the end of it, for his closing illustration, he said, “Folks, you understand that now we see through a glass darkly. At breakfast one morning, my three-year-old granddaughter said, ‘Mama, how do we go to heaven?’ There I sat, a minister with 30 years of experience, and my son, a recent graduate from our finest seminary, and we couldn’t give her an answer. Then her mommy responded, ‘Sweetheart, you just go to sleep, and you wake up there.'” I was fresh out of Bob Jones University and wanted to stand up and shout, “Give me equal time!”
That experience haunted me all week. The lady we were staying with had beautiful gardens behind her house. By the end of the week, I got up on Saturday morning and said to my new bride, “I’m going out into the garden to pray.” That was at nine o’clock. I came back in at three o’clock. I said, “Honey, we’re not staying here. I will go to seminary if they still let me in.” I don’t remember why I applied to the seminary, but I had. I picked up the phone. I called and reached the registrar at home. His response was, “Oh, yeah. I remember you. Your grades weren’t all that bad. Come on and be here at a quarter till nine on Monday.” I looked at Pam, and this was our conversation:
Me: We’re going to Philadelphia.
Pam: When?
Me: Now.
Pam: Can we go home and see Mama and Daddy first?
Me: No.
Pam: Can I call?
Me: Yes.
Her mama answered, and after Pam told her that we were going to Philadelphia for me to attend seminary, her mama said, “Praise the Lord.” Three hours later, I packed everything in a trailer, and we were on our way to Philadelphia. Obviously, not the way to start a marriage, right? Well, in one sense, yes, it was. But it was clear where God was leading. Pam was raised by a mother who taught her: “You leave us, and you cleave to your husband.” And she had embraced that instruction which her mother had also modeled.
We were off. When we got to Philadelphia, we were 800 miles from her parents. We were only about 60 miles from my parents, but I had left home long before, so I wasn’t connected to my parents. Being 800 miles away provided us the space to be on our own and begin to weave.
Leave, cleave, weave. That’s God’s pattern.