Experience Peace in Disappointment, Not Bitterness
Introduction
The writer of Hebrews informs us that the root of bitterness defiles many. On a lark, I asked Google to find examples of bitterness in Bible characters. In about five seconds, Google responded with this summary before displaying a list. “Several characters in the Bible demonstrate bitterness, a strong, often destructive emotion rooted in resentment, anger, and sometimes, a sense of injustice.” The examples included Cain, Naomi, Esau, Shimei, Hannah, and King Saul.
Biblical Examples
Esau’s bitterness stemmed from a feeling of injustice. His brother maneuvered their father into relinquishing the birthright that was rightfully his. Esau has had many siblings over the years, with their bitterness producing anything from a slight to get even to murder as was the case with Cain. After her husband died, Naomi confesses to deep bitterness to the point that she changed her name to Mara, which means bitter. Jacob’s brother, Esau, after Jacob cunningly manipulated their father to give him the birthright, harbored bitterness to the extent that Jacob feared he would kill him. Shimei, the Benjamite, held on to his bitter spirit toward King David. Hannah was bitter towards God for her barrenness. And, finally, King Saul was jealous of David, which led to a bitter spirit, which led to the desire to kill David.
It is no surprise that the writer of Hebrews tells us that when a person is infected by bitterness, he becomes the instrument to defile many (12:15).
Origins of Bitterness
Where does this bitter root find its origin? It begins with some form of disappointment. Someone has failed you in some way. You become angry and have no way to resolve or to challenge the perpetrator, so you ruminate on the hurt, and it festers into bitterness. You desire either vengeance or to distance yourself completely. Thus, you spread the hurt. This is particularly destructive to relationships, families, churches, and work environments.
Case Study
George and Mary worked diligently to plant and build a church of two hundred souls. When Jerry, the son of a family friend, graduated from seminary, George agreed to hire him as a youth intern, with the promise of transitioning him to a full-time Youth Pastor. However, during that year-long internship, Jerry cobbled together a coalition of dissidents and generated a church split that took 125 people, leaving behind a newly acquired building and accompanying debt. George and Mary were devastated and doubly hurt when their friends supported Jerry’s actions. Two years later, the church had to forfeit the building to cover the loan. When George and Mary showed up to their first counseling session, they needed marriage counseling as George had developed a bitter spirit that was poisoning his marriage and killing his church.
Dealing with Bitterness
Where does one begin? What does one do with the hurt? It starts by recognizing and accepting the reality that it is the Lord who must deal with the perpetrator. There is no better example than that of David and how he dealt with Saul. Rather than harboring bitterness, even when he was on the run from the murderous intent of Saul.
1 Samuel 24 is the record. David has the opportunity to kill Saul. He chooses instead to cut off a piece of his robe. This act symbolizes David’s respect for God’s timing and his unwillingness to take Saul’s life. In addition, it highlights his humility and righteousness in contrast with Saul’s bitter spirit. So, the first step is self-restraint, the determination not to allow hurt to turn into bitterness and therefore, not to take vengeance (Romans 12:16-19)
The second step is Ephesians 4:32: ‘Forgive as God in Christ has forgiven you.’ Now, note this. God decided to forgive before you ever sought forgiveness, so when you came seeking forgiveness, it was immediately extended. In the same manner, do not wait to forgive from your heart until the person seeks forgiveness. Get it done! Then, when that purpose seeks forgiveness, you can immediately extend it.
Step three. In the meantime, you will not be eaten up with bitterness and poison your relationships with God and others. Furthermore, you will be able to do good to the offender and not be overcome with evil (Romans 12:19-21).
Conclusion
The perpetrator will not dominate your life. By God’s grace, you will be able to make the necessary adjustments in your life. You shall be free indeed, even dealing with the ugly circumstances such as those of George and Mary.
Jesus illustrates this in John 21. Peter had done exactly what Jesus had predicted. He denied him three times at his worst hour. Then, even after his post-resurrection encounters with Jesus, Peter gave up and returned to his fishing business. Jesus sought him out. Rather than a railing rebuke, Jesus restores him to fellowship by asking penetrating questions. Furthermore, Jesus reaffirms his calling by predicting Peter’s faithfulness to the point of an untimely death. Jesus most certainly was not overcome by Peter’s evil. Instead, He overcame Pete’s evil with good, seeking him out to restore him.
To God Be the Glory—Great Things He Does and Enables Us to Do!