I recently had a conversation with a young man who confided his concerns about his fiancée’s reluctance to have children due to her fear of the birthing process. Later that day, I pondered this fearfulness. Several young women of my acquaintance in recent years have, in fact, experienced significant difficulties in giving birth. However, each one is grateful for their child.
I also remembered questioning the wisdom of having children. As I reflected on my life growing up and the wickedness observed, I wondered about the prudence of bringing children into the rapidly declining culture. However, one day, reading through the book of Genesis, it occurred to me that the world was no worse in my generation than in the days of Noah and the other Patriarchs. Furthermore, God knew what it would be like, yet He encouraged Adam and Eve to fill the earth with children.
We have two children (and two others whom the Lord called home before birth). Today, I have eight grandchildren and five great-grandchildren. I am grateful for each one and for having been a part of their upbringing.
However, there is a good reason to be fearful of birthing children. It can be a negative fear or a sacred fear of responsibility. The first is not of God; the second is before God. Here are ten reasons for the holy fear. Yet each of these, while being a heavy responsibility, comes with God’s instructions to ensure His assistance with the process of fashioning a God-fearing next generation.
Recognizing the source of children (Ps. 127:3)
In our counseling and law course, our students read a journal article titled “Who Owns the Children?” The article discussed who owns the children when a couple comes before the divorce or custody judge. The simple answer is found in this Psalm. This Psalm also reminds us that while a couple may ponder if or even when to have children, God decides to give the child into their custody. With that gift comes all the ensuing responsibilities.
Recognize the responsibility to evangelize children (Pr. 22:6, Acts 2:38-39)
From Abraham forward, the responsibility of parents to introduce their children to God is very transparent. It is also without question that parents fail all too often. What makes this so tragic is that there is so much to overcome as the child ages. My wife frequently gives a book for a shower gift titled, Leading Little Ones to God. It was a staple for us and laid the groundwork for both children to recognize their sin and seek the Lord’s forgiveness by age six.
Recognize the responsibility to direct children properly (Eph. 6:4a)
Biblically, fathers are primarily charged with this responsibility. This is consistent with their responsibility to be the head of the family, to love, lead, protect, and provide, as Paul clearly teaches in Eph. 5. This duty must be accomplished with compassion, that is, listening, gentle correction that communicates understanding, and hence, not provoking anger.
Recognize the responsibility of teaching children. (Eph. 6:4b, Deut. 6:6-7)
This passage in Deut. gives specificity to the command to instruct them in the nature and admonition of the Lord. Teach diligently (formally), talk about it when you sit in your house (informally), do it as a way of life (walking, going to be, and getting up).
Recognize the responsibility to model (Deut. 6:10-14, Pr. 17:6, Titus 2:7)
Paul tells the young Corinthian church, “Be followers of me, even as I also am of Christ” (I Cor. 11:1). Modeling is an intricate dimension of being a believer. Leaders for followers, Pastors for congregants, but it starts at home, Fathers (and mothers) to children.
Recognize the responsibility to recall the remarkable works of God (Ps. 78:4)
A commonly found word in the Bible is remember. All these Psalms, 77, 105, and 111, highlight the importance of recalling God’s past deeds. These psalms encourage reflection on God’s power, faithfulness, and grace, reminding believers of his past actions and inspiring trust in his future promises. Psalm 78:4 is an oath for parents.
Recognize the responsibility to provide physical needs (I Tim 5:8, II Cor 12:14)
Parents are responsible for providing for their children. The extent of this responsibility is seen in Jesus’ words in Mark 7:27, “Let the children first be filled: for it is not meet (fitting) to take the children’s bread, and cast it to the dogs.” While there are some special nuances to the correct understanding of this verse, we must at least see the principle, embedded in it, that children have a high priority.
Recognize the responsibility to fashion children to yield peaceful lives (Pr.29:17)
The practical outcome of properly rearing disciplined children is the yield of a peaceful life since “The rod drives out the foolishness of a child’s heart” (Pr. 22:15)
Recognize the responsibility not to discourage children (Col. 3:21)
Few things frustrate a child more than being yelled at as a form of discipline. This always comes with a negative attitude, and the child feels like a loser. Most parents occasionally fall prey to this adult misbehavior, but when it is a pattern, the child loses resiliency and internalizes the rejection, which generates anger towards the parent and towards themselves. This does not bode well for reasonable life adjustment, nor a desire to follow the God of the parent.
Recognize the responsibility for your joy in your children (3 John 1:4)
Poor parenting, not following the biblical instructions, harms the children and robs the parents of the joys of a godly legacy.
Conclusion
To put it extremely simply, God tells us how to parent. Failing to listen to His instructions is sheer foolishness and emotionally painful.
Implementation
Study the passages cited throughout this blog. If you are not sure you understand, or if you have been following the world’s advice and experiencing the consequences in the lives of your children, seek a Biblical Counselor. Get help for you and get help for your child today!