The writer of Proverbs (21:9) observes that “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop [on the flat roof, exposed to the weather] Than in a house shared with a quarrelsome (contentious) woman.” It is rather fascinating that when the words “better to live on the corner of the roof,” AI comes back with this answer, “The phrase “Better to live on the corner of the roof” is a proverb, primarily found in the Bible, that emphasizes the value of peace and tranquility over material comfort or social standing when those come at the cost of conflict. It’s a metaphorical expression, suggesting that a small, uncomfortable space with peace is preferable to a large, luxurious home shared with a contentious person.” What makes the AI answer fascinating is that is does not come back with some feminist comment as its introduction or conclusion, but instead extracts the principle intended by the write.
There are several other Proverbs that characterize the effect of the over talker and the loud talker. Consider the following.
“He that blesseth his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, It shall be counted a curse to him.” (Proverbs 27:14 KJV)) The spouse who is blessed to arise early and full of vigor displayed by a loud, though jovial, greeting can become a irritation leading to marital disappointment at best and detestation at worst. While the reaction is the responsibility of the irritated spouse, the reality is that the bright-eyed and bushy tailed mate unnecessarily provides the occasion for the offense.
“Empty vessels make the most sound.” This proverb suggests that those who talk loudest and/or the most, often have the least substantive contribution and hence, by their overtalking not only become an irritation, but diminish anything worthwhile they may have to offer. This too, is destructive to marriage and the children will likely develop the attitude that that parent is a babbling old fold and write them off.
“In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is prudent.” (Proverbs 10:19) This proverb cautions that excessive talker of the danger of sinning by mouth. And, if not sinning, inadvertently putting off the mate or family friends to the disappointment of the spouse.
These proverbs teach us while being a loud-mouth, or dominating the narrative, can gain attention at these individuals broadcast a lack of depth, provide occasion trouble by failing to be consider of others, mate, children, friends. True wisdom, these proverbs imply, lies not in speaking loudly, or dominating the conversation but in speaking judiciously, purposefully, and respectfully.
While it can be argued that James 1:19 contextually is a warning when in conversation with God, it certainly, nonetheless, a principle and captures the intent of these various proverbs.
Slow to listen. Iin marriage counseling, I often will say to a husband or wife something of this nature. My friend, you would do well to listen and much slower to speak. Listening is not only a matter of using your ears. It is a matter of closing your mouth providing the speaker to give full expression to their concern. Listening is also a matter of using your eyes. Years ago, my mentor, Dr. Jay Adams, would say, read the “halo data.” By this he meant, listen to what the eyes are saying, they often are not congruent with the words, like the body language.1
Then, having listen carefully, look the speaker in the eye and say, “This is what I heard you telling. Did I get it right? If, not please help by telling me again in a different way.”
The second injunction of James is to be slow to speak. That is, take time to think and formulate your response so that you can respond respectfully, with clarity, and with control.
Finally, James says, be slow to anger. What your spouse has said may irritate you for several reasons. You may be amazed that they don’t understand a situation so that your internal response is, “This is stupid. You ought to know this!” Or “How many times am I going need to waste my time explaining your responsibility?” Here is where taking the time to process your response is absolutely essential. You may need to give your spouse a time out signal and say, “I need to think about how to respond, please give me a few minutes.”
Conclusion
While the foregoing may not seem to be anything profound, but it really is. Overtalking and dominance by volume may be learned behavior, may be the result of a reaction to social conditioning, or may bubble forth out of a sense of insecurity, intended or not these behaviors have negative impacts and , far greater than anyone outside the relationship would imagine.
Implementation
First, take the principles pictured by the proverbs seriously.
Second, listen to yourself, and be attentive to your spouse or friend’s responses when engaging in conversation.
Third, if you conclude you have a problem with being loud or overtalking, share your observation with your spouse or friend. Apologize and ask for help and then with that person, develop a signal that will alert you when your volume is unnecessary or your babbling is irritating. Then, don’t react, thank that person, and recalibrate. You will learn to moderate your tendency.
1 Some other ways to listen. Ask clarifying questions. Define terms/words. Be comfortable with the pregnant pause as your spouse determines what they desire to say. Focus on the speaker, not your feelings. Last, wait to formulate your response otherwise, you will hear you and not your spouse.